Never Good Enough
by MaliciousScampers
Summary: Gold just defeated Silver right before going to defeat the Elite Four. Silver has a breakdown and figures that the only way to escape this pain is to end his life because he feels he is never good enough. Angst-filled. Preciousmetalshipping. Yaoi. Rated M for a reason (sorry, but no smut). Gold/Silver.


**Warning: This story contains a tremendous amount of feels, mentions of suicide, and death of pokemon. You have been warned. Enjoy.**

* * *

Silver couldn't believe his eyes as he saw Gold walk away from him and towards the Elite Four. Gold had beaten him not only once, but _seven_ times. What was he doing wrong? How did this little brat beat him over and over again? Silver was never good enough and today's battle had only further proved that point.

"I'm done," Silver hissed through clenched teeth. He returned his fainted feraligatr back into his pokeball.

The redhead walked to Nurse Joy's counter and had her heal his pokemon. Once she was finished, Silver stormed out of the building and let out a frustrated scream. He felt tears of anger well up in his eyes and he didn't hesitate to let them roll freely down his cheeks and onto the ground.

_I'm NEVER good enough._

_Why can't I win?!_

Silver angrily wiped away his tears and called out his crobat to fly to Mt. Silver. The security guard wouldn't let him enter into Mt. Silver, so he decided to take an alternative route – flying.

Silver could hear the security guards screaming at him to come back or they would have to use force. The teen didn't care at all. He was used to dealing with authority figures trying to stop him from accomplishing certain tasks. He wanted to go to Mt. Silver to clear his head of all of his failure. He wanted to end it for good. Silver took a look back at the security guards, which he instantly regretted. They were riding after him on pidgeots, pointing _guns _at him – real, dangerous guns that could _kill_ him.

"If you do not land, we _will shoot,_" one of the security guards shouted, adjusting his grip on the pistol in his hands.

He wanted to die, but at his own hands – not a stranger's.

Silver let out a small yelp and clung onto his crobat's neck as it made a sharp turn into some of the trees.

"Dammit, we lost him!" Silver could hear one security guard say.

"Forget him. He'll die out there in the cold," the other security guard scoffed.

Crobat flew high onto the summit of Mt. Silver. Once they landed, Silver thanked his pokemon and returned him to his pokeball. Silver thought back to what people had always told him.

"Create a bond with your pokemon and nothing can stop you from winning," Silver said out loud.

But the thing is – he _did_ create a bond with his pokemon. How else could he have evolved his golbat into a crobat?He treated all of his pokemon with love and care after the first couple of failed battles with his rival Gold.

_Gold._

Silver cringed at the name. He couldn't believe he had fallen for the man. He couldn't resist the other teen's stupid smile, the way his eyes lit up when he saw Silver, his determination to be the very best like no one ever was, and _oh Arceus_ _those perfectly shaped lips._

The redhead let out a frustrated cry and fell to his knees. He punched the snow beneath him and let out more tears of frustration. How could this happen? _Why did this happen?_

Silver never asked to fall in love with his rival – it just happened. He wasn't gay. He was completely into women – or at least he thought he was. Silver thought back to how many women he had ever found attractive and realized that he never even focused on the attractiveness of anyone… except for one person – Gold. He was too busy trying to not be a failure to even think about how attractive someone is, but apparently, Gold was special. And he wished to Arceus that he could just forget about that son of a bitch who ruined his life.

"Get out of my head!" Silver screamed, now pulling at his crimson locks with both of his hands as if he could simply pull Gold out of his thoughts. The tugging pain made Silver wince and automatically let go of his hair. He lowered his hands in front of him and looked at the strands of red hair between his fingers before he shook them off.

"_You're a failure. You're not my son anymore. Leave now and never come back!" _Silver winced as the painful words of his father echoed through his head.

He wanted to get his mind off of Gold, but to be honest, he'd rather be thinking of Gold than thinking of the day his father disowned him. Unfortunately, Silver's mind was against him and took him a few months back when it all began.

* * *

"_You're a failure. You're not my son anymore. Leave now and never come back!" Giovanni shouted at his only son Silver. He had just beaten his own son at a pokemon battle._

"_But father, I tried my best!" Silver exclaimed, tears already running down his face as he looked up at his angry father._

_Silver had trained his pokemon the best he could. He knew that they were strong because they had a strong relationship, but not even a strong relationship could defeat his father's highly experienced and beefy pokemon._

"_I am not your father anymore," Giovanni spat._

_The older man snatched his son's six pokeballs and returned each pokemon to them._

"_You don't even deserve pokemon! I was a fool to give you one!" he shouted, smashing each pokeball on the floor._

"_I'm even surprised you could catch more," Giovanni huffed, looking down at the broken pieces of pokeballs and his sobbing son. "You're a horrible trainer and you should be ashamed of yourself."_

_Silver let out a pained cry as he watched his father __**kill**__ his own pokemon. What kind of father would do that to their own child? Not a very good one, but young Silver didn't understand this. He didn't understand why his father hated him so much for losing one pokemon battle. He didn't even understand how someone could be so heartless to just kill not only one, but __**six**__ pokemon._

_Poor young, confused Silver._

"_My… My… Pokemon!" Silver was now wailing heavily._

"_GET OUT!" Giovanni shouted, pointing towards the exit of their backyard where the battle took place._

_Silver wanted to so desperately pick up the broken pieces of his six pokeballs, but instead, he ran. He ran far away from his home and never looked back. He wailed loudly, the whole scene running through his head numerous times._

"_Why did this happen to me?! Why am I such a failure?!" the redhead shouted, letting his feet take him wherever they wanted him to go._

_His father had kicked him out and he had nowhere else to go. He had no pokemon to protect him from other wild pokemon. He could get __**killed**__ out here. How was he going to be able to get another pokemon?_

_Once he stopped running, Silver wiped his eyes and looked up to see a pokemon lab in front of him. Not just any pokemon lab, but Professor Elm's lab. And suddenly, an idea popped into his head that would change his life forever._

* * *

Silver let more tears roll down his face as the horrible memory played through his mind. Silver blinked as he looked at the newly dark sky. How long was he out here? The redhead shook the thought from his mind and shot his head back, staring straight at the stars.

"Oh Arceus, what have I done to deserve this?! Am I really that much of a failure?!" Silver screamed out into the open. He had never believed in Arceus – let alone any god – but right now, he was desperate for an answer.

Suddenly…

"You're not a failure."

Silver quickly turned around to come face to face with the man he was trying to forget – Gold.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" the redheaded teen hissed.

"Looking for you."

It was a simple answer, yet Silver just stared at him with a confused look on his face.

"Why would you come look for me?" he asked, his tone more calm than before.

"I wanted to tell you that I'm the new champion."

Rage.

Silver was filled with rage at this statement and he immediately regretted asking Gold why he came to look for him.

"You wanted to _gloat_, didn't you? You gloated about your victory all seven times I defeated you, Gold! Stop rubbing it into my _fucking face!_" Silver shouted in a raspy, hoarse voice. He was too angry – or maybe too dehydrated – to cry.

"I… I didn't mean to gloat," Gold said softly, looking to the ground, "I wanted to tell you because I thought you would be happy for me."

Silver twitched.

"Happy? For _YOU_? You took away my pride, Gold! You took away my dignity. You took away _my DREAM_!" Silver winced at the stretching pain in his throat from shouting so much.

"And you know what the worst part is?" the redhead weakly chuckled, not even caring about the consequences of what he was going to say next.

Gold shook his head no.

"The worst part is that I _fell in love with you_," Gold shook his head, laughing at his own foolishness.

Gold stood there in shock, not knowing how to respond to this confession of love.

"Goodbye, Gold," Silver turned to the edge of Mt. Silver, stepping closer and closer to it. Gold's eyes widened in surprise as he watched Silver step to his fated doom.

"And goodbye pain," Silver whispered in a barely audible tone as he took one final step off of the mountain.

…

_What…?_

Silver looked up to see Gold desperately holding onto the back of his shirt. It was choking him, but he didn't care. As soon as Gold could tell he was choking his rival, he grabbed the sleeve of the redhead's shirt with his other hand and pulled him up with surprising strength – which was probably mostly adrenaline.

"No! What are you doing?! Let me go!" Silver screamed, struggling to get out of Gold's grip.

Silver failed as he was pulled back to safety, away from the edge of the mountain. Gold pinned Silver onto the ground, his hands pinning down the other's hands and gently sitting on the redhead's stomach.

"Why would you do something like that?" Gold asked in a shaky tone as tears welled up in his eyes.

Silver looked up at Gold with a surprised look on his face.

_Does he actually care for me…?_

"You have so much to live for, Silver. Don't throw it all away," Gold sobbed, tears hitting his rival's face.

Silver blinked, ignoring the salty tears pounding on his face. Did he have something to live for?

"What do I have left? Everything I have has been taken away from me," Silver stated coldly, turning his head to the right to look away from Gold.

He felt the raven-haired man cup his chin with a strong grip and force him to look back at his pleading gray eyes.

"You have your pokemon," Gold stated, "and you also have me."

Silver didn't have a chance to react before he felt a pair of quivering lips placed on his own. His widened eyes soon fluttered shut as he returned the kiss. However, the kiss ended too soon for Silver.

Gold smiled sadly at his rival and gently stroked his face with his right hand.

"Let's go home," Gold said, getting off of Silver and standing up. He held out his hand to help the redhead off of the ground.

"I have a home?" Silver asked, accepting Gold's hand and lifting off of the ground. Once he was off of the ground, he let go of Gold's hand.

"Of course you do. You're coming home with me. You look like you could eat anyway," Gold chuckled, pointing to Silver's tiny stomach.

_When was the last time I ate?_

As if on cue, Silver's stomach let out a loud growl. Both pokemon trainers smiled, but only Gold let out an audible laugh.

"Come on, let's go," Gold chuckled, summoning his Pidgeot.

The new champion held onto Silver's hand and helped him onto his Pidgeot. Once both of the boys were on, they were lifted off of the ground and now flying towards New Bark Town.

Silver smiled and held onto his rival as they flew higher into the air.

_I have a home._

_I have a reason to live._

_I am loved._

_**I am good enough.**_


End file.
